Becoming a Godparent by Chrismation
My husband, Mark, and I were blessed to become godparents for the first time on Christmas 2015 when our friends the Mathwin family converted to Orthodoxy from Anglicanism. Like us, the Mathwins followed the lead of the father of their family, a man who had wanted to become Orthodox for twelve years. Although the Mathwins had attended the same large, Anglican church that our family attended prior to our Chrismation, we had not known each other. Yet, here we were. God led us all to the same place: a tiny, Western Rite Orthodox mission in rural Bealeton, Virginia.
The Mathwins asked Mark and me to be godparents for their daughter Keris, who was ten years old at the time. We were honored! Keris had already been baptized in her previous church and had Anglican godparents. I wondered what our role would be in her life. Since she had already received the Sacrament of Baptism, Mark and I simply stood behind her with our hands on her shoulder as she was Chrismated, praying for God to show us how to be Orthodox godparents. We ourselves were newer converts, having only been Orthodox for 3 years at that time. It was a beautiful and moving moment for all of us!
First and foremost, I pray for Keris as a part of my daily prayers. I view that as my primary responsibility as her god-mother. It’s a blessing to be able to go to church with Keris. It means that we get to touch base with each other every week on Sunday. I know there is always a hug waiting for me when I get to church. We also keep in touch by phone or email on the latest news in each other’s lives and to make plans for our next visit together.
We always have dinner together with our two families around Keris’s name day. This is sometimes difficult because her feast day often falls during Holy Week, but we make it work. My goddaughter loves my children and always has open arms, ready to hold a baby, to help make a plate for a kid at coffee hour, or to sit with us and provide a good example of churchly behavior for my kids. Having an older god-child is excellent preparation for when my kids are teenagers. I can listen and offer advice and pray, all without the pressure of being the actual parent.
As a woman, my influence over my goddaughter is distinct in that she will likely become a wife and mother one day, like her mother and myself. Keris and I enjoy doing social things together, such as going out for ice cream, and I try to attend her plays and volleyball games, when I am able. But perhaps the most formative influence I have in Keris’s life is simply allowing her into our family to take part in and observe our little “domestic church.”
Becoming a Godparent by Baptism
A few months after Keris’s Chrismation, a Catholic friend reached out to say that her husband had decided to convert to Orthodoxy after reading the writings of St. Isaac the Syrian. The couple were expecting a baby boy whom they planned to name Isaac. They didn’t know many Orthodox people at the time and were newly repatriated to the United States after living in the Middle East for a number of years. Although my friend was committed to remaining Catholic, she supported her husband’s decision to convert and agreed that their future children could be baptized Orthodox. Mark and I were privileged to be asked to be the godparents for the baby, and we eagerly agreed. On April 23, 2016, we arrived in New Jersey to become godparents for the second time. What a different experience!
Having been Orthodox for only a few years, our experience with Orthodox baptism was limited and exclusive to the Western Rite. Orthodox baptism itself had been a shock to my system. For one thing, I was surprised to find out that the Rite of Infant Baptism includes several exorcisms! Orthodox parents don’t even hold their own babies during the baptism service, godparents do. That took me some getting-used to. I was also somewhat worried when I realized that Orthodox babies are baptized naked and dunked under the water three times! It was A LOT for someone like me who was “dedicated” in a Pentecostal church as a baby and baptized in a choir robe at age 12–when I was able to make a “full and public confession of faith.” But Eastern Rite baptism, as we were about to experience, is another animal. There is burning of hair, a baby parade behind the altar, and (apparently) expectoration.
Mark and I went into the baptism service blindly, without directions from the priest before the rite began. I assume Father thought we knew what we were doing, but in truth, we felt like frauds! Mark and I were following along in a service booklet as best as we could, but sometimes the priest said things that weren’t in the script. To these formerly Protestant ears, it seemed like the priest was saying everything in triplicate. But when he told us to “spit on the devil,” we were stumped. Both of us pretended to spit right there on the spot, but the priest shouted at us with indignation, “Don’t spit on me, spit on the devil!” Um…where is the devil? Mark and I asked each other with our eyes. The priest, realizing our confusion, pointed at the door, and we spat again. To this day, the only explanation I can think of is that passage from Genesis 4:7, “sin is crouching to your door; its desire is to have you, but you must rule over it.”
Since then, my godson’s family has moved across the country for work. We miss Isaac terribly! He’s almost five now, and it’s difficult to build a relationship when we see each other so rarely. We send books, toys, and letters and chat on video calls occasionally, but sometimes it is years between visits, especially during this time of pandemic! When we visit, the most important thing for me is that we attend Mass together. That is why I think it’s so important that godparents be in your church community, if possible. If you want the godparents to be more than a ceremonial role, if you want them to have influence in your child’s life, pick godparents whose life your child can observe on a regular basis.
What Makes a Good Godparent
Recently the godmother to one of my daughters shared with me that her role as a godmother feels like such a weighty responsibility. She confided that with her own children, she has a more generalized feeling of duty, encompassing so many things, such a safety, education, health, and spiritual well-being. But when it comes to her godchildren, her only obligation is the spiritual formation of the god-child, so she takes that job very seriously.
In my relationship with my godchildren, I like to think about the Five Love Languages put forward by Dr. Gary Chapman: acts of service, quality time, gift giving, words of affirmation, and physical touch. It isn’t specific to Orthodoxy, but you can use the framework to help you think about how to develop your relationship with your godchild. People need to receive love in all of these ways, but you can find out which of these love languages really speak to your godchild and fill up their “love tank.”
Acts of Service
Prayer for your godchildren is the first and most important act of service you can do for them. Icons of our godchildren’s patron saints are hanging in our prayer corner to remind us of them when we say our daily prayers. Any small offerings of prayer you send up to God are priceless sacrifices on behalf of your godchildren. Ask your godchild’s parents what concerns they want you to keep in prayer, and offer to pray about whatever is on the heart of your godchild. Prayer is what they need most of all! Ask for their prayers, too!
Physical Touch
Give your godchild a hug, a pat on the back, a shoulder squeeze, a fist bump, or a high five, something small to let them know you care. If they are little, let them sit on your lap in church and carry them up to Communion. If they are older, sit together and let them feel your presence, that you want to be around them.
Quality Time
This one is key. Set aside special time for you and your godchild. Find out what places they would like to go to eat or shop and just spend time listening as they tell you about their likes and dislikes and what’s going on in their life. This can be as simple as kicking around a ball together, playing a game of cards, or going on a drive. Just make space for chatting and provide a listening ear. Help them feel that they are important to you. Ask them what God is showing them and teaching them in their life right now and share what He is teaching you.
Words of Affirmation
Be an encourager, an advocate, and a champion of your godchild. This doesn’t mean that you should say things you don’t mean or that you should not offer correction, if needed. But don’t let criticism be the primary way your godchild sees themselves reflected in your eyes. Tell them often what you like about them, what they are good at, and what you hope they become. If you do this, you will build them up, and they won’t forget their worth.
Gift Giving
Everyone loves to receive a gift, even if it’s just a postcard in the mail! As a family, we usually give gifts to our godchildren on Christmas, Easter, name days, and birthdays. Don’t become overwhelmed with the list though! Find out your godchild’s favorite candy bar, snack, or drink. Send them a letter by snail mail. These thoughtful items convey your love and don’t break the bank. We try to keep our gifts for our godchildren modest and religious in nature.
Being a Sponsor to an Adult
Some of the above ideas are going to be perhaps less helpful if you are a sponsor to an adult. Our Orthodox sponsors have taken Mark and me out to dinner on occasion and invited us over to their home as a way of reaching out and showing their love to us. If you think about it though, just that act of hospitality itself checks so many boxes! Your prayers, as well as your advice and encouragement, will be the most crucial aspects of your sponsorship of an adult convert. One of the best things that my veteran Orthodox friends have done for me is to lend or gift me Orthodox books that have impacted them. One that was given to me by a parishioner at my Chrismation was Everyday Saints and Other Stories by Archimandrite Tikhon. Please do yourself a favor and read this one for Lent. I can’t recommend it highly enough!
Years ago Father asked me to be a sponsor to an adult woman joining our church, and I happily agreed. Following the example of our sponsors, Mark and I invited the woman and her husband over to our home for a meal. We talked about her conversion process, gave her the gift of an icon of her patron saint, and prayed for her regularly. Sadly, after a short time, the woman decided to return to the Catholic Church, where her parents also attended. She was very private about her reasons for leaving and declined to visit when I invited her to a parish event. I am still grieved that she is no longer a part of our church community, but I continue to remember her in prayer and hope that one day she will return to Orthodoxy.
You Have One Job
As a godparent, truly your only job is to help your godchild get to heaven. So, let everything you say and do be ordered toward that purpose. If you are going to buy them a gift, let it be something that will help, rather than hinder their spiritual growth. If you spend time together, let the conversation be pleasing to God and edifying for your souls. And, importantly, let your example as an Orthodox Christian godparent be admirable, above reproach, and helpful for the formation of your godchild. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. I’m not the perfect godmother. Don’t be afraid to share about mistakes that you have made in your walk with God and your doubts and struggles with faith when they are old enough to understand. And always ask forgiveness if you mess up. There is not a one-size-fits-all way to be a godparent. Rest assured that you are the godparent that God intended for your godchild, and He will help you to be godparent that they need, just ask Him.